A Kept Woman Once More

Tonight is the eve of my last day in my short stint of employment. For those who didn't know, I started babysitting a friend's 1-year-old in the middle of February. Due to changes with the other care provider (I only had her Mondays and Tuesdays) our friends have switched her into full-time daycare starting April 1.

On the one hand, I'm sort of sad. Hailey is a sweet little cuddly bear and it's fun when she and my kids play. It's also been very nice having a paycheck since money has been increasingly tight for us.

On the other hand I'm relieved. It's hard taking care of a kid younger than my youngest, especially since she doesn't walk yet and I spend a lot of time carrying her. Although the extra time it takes to care for her during the day isn't enormous, it's one more thing added to my plate, and Lily's been running me off my feet as it is lately. I've been short-tempered with my kids on the days I babysit and it makes me feel incredibly guilty. I don't like being that kind of mom.

I'd also been struggling with the choice whether I would continue to care for Hailey in the fall. For those who don't yet know, we've made the decision to homeschool Nicholas starting in September. While it's something about which I'm hugely excited, I'm also willing to admit that I'm intimidated by the prospect of keeping up on my regular work in the home, jumping through the various toddler hoops with Lily, and homeschooling Nick on top of it all. I think that babysitting even part-time would have been enough to make me crash and burn for certain.

In all I'm looking forward to being unemployed. We've adjusted already this month to tightening the purse strings just a little bit more so I'm not too worried about the money. I'm looking forward to decreasing my stress level even if it does feel like I'm admitting defeat. I'm not very good at noticing when I'm in over my head. I guess that's why I married a guy who can always bring me back to center.

And so, I return once more into the land of the income-less.