06 October 2010

Me and my little Nick and my friend Jo.

Ten years ago today, I gave birth to Nick at the hospital I can see today from my bedroom window. I was young and unaware of what was in store for me, he was small and beautiful and soft.

Right about at this time on that day, my visitors left and the room was quiet. I was there all alone with this tiny bundle in the bassinet beside my bed. I distinctly remember switching the lights down low and his tiny eyes flashing open only inches from my face. It scared the living daylights out of me.

We made it through that first night in a bumbling fumbling way. Every time he squawked at me I did my best to painfully sit upright and convince both of us that my breasts were actually some kind of food source.

Morning came eventually and I watched the world outside of my hospital room grow brighter. It was the dawn of my first day as a parent. Something deep and unseen in the world was altered from the day before. I stood at the window with this tiny little person held to my heart and it was the most beautiful moment I've ever lived in my life.

A Robert Duncan painting that I have in my livingroom which is like a reflection of that morning.

I've just now sent Nick off to bed, this shaggy-haired, big-eyed, lanky kid full of laughter and stories. I can't quite wrap my brain around superimposing that tiny delicate baby and this boy half way to adulthood. Where did they go, the days that spilled into years? How did my son grow into this boy bursting with ideas and dreams while I could swear that I still feel him nestled into my shoulder?

Nick in the ravine a couple of weeks ago.

This journey he's taken me on is beyond anything I ever could have imagined. He's taught me more about myself in ten years that I'd learned in the 20 years before I knew him. He's opened up a depth in my heart I never knew could exist and he's made me look at the world through the eyes of a mother. Nick came to me at a time in my life when I needed him as much as he needed me and I could never ask for a greater gift.

Happy birthday Nick! I love you so much and I can't wait to see what the next ten years bring you!


Tammy said...

Happy Birthday Nick!

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