Tonight, I'm preparing a Father's Day gift for my Dad. I've been going through all my pictures, paper and digital, in search of the nine perfect photos to put in the frame I've bought him. It's so easy to forget how many pictures I have stashed away in my picture box and in various folders on the computer, but so many vivid memories are re-awoken when I flip through them.
There are a few small photographs of me as a young child which have been handed down from my mother. My small chubby cheeks so full of life show glimmers of the gleeful grins of my children years away from existence. Life was so simple then. Summers were so bright, my brother was my hero, and my parents knew all the secrets to life.
Another section shows my life during high school with friends long gone and some still dear to me. I want to step into those pictures and say "Stop being so scared of looking stupid and just enjoy yourself. You're young and brilliant and you can do anything".
After the high school pictures come the pregnancy pictures. I laugh now at how huge I thought I was. Six months pregnant and you can't even see that bump under that huge t-shirt! Just wait til the next baby, chick, that'll show you what a big belly looks like. I was so young, so unaware of all the changes that were about to come into my life with the entrance of such a small beautiful boy. I had no idea what it meant to be a mother and how many lessons I would learn deep within my heart, many of them during the darkest hours of night as my babe and I nestled together.
The stack of Nicholas' baby and early childhood pictures is huge. We took shot after shot of that daring grin and those dancing eyes. I'm blown away at how quickly those chubby little legs grew long and lean, and I still can't quite figure out where those cheeks I used to kiss for hours on end went.
As life continued there are the pictures of such happy times: the night I met Liam, Jo and Graeme's wedding, my wedding and honeymoon. As I look back on these pictures I know I am truly blessed to have had a life filled with so many loving people who have borought me such joy.
Now I have another pile of baby pictures growing, though these are almost exclusively digital. Lillian's babyhood is such a part of my life right now that I can't imagine looking back and saying "She was such a beautiful baby and look what a big girl she is now". I love how soft and sweet she is and I cannot imagine her ever changing.
As much as I may try to hang on to the present, though, all these pictures have reminded me of just how quickly change sweeps through everything. My interests change, new friends come into my life, and my children grow up more quickly than I can keep track of. I love my life exactly as it is right now. I would give so much to freeze everything just as it is right now so I could enjoy these moments forever...The deep and fulfilling love I have found with Liam, Nicholas' bright and curious spirit, and the deliciousness of Lillian. I know, though, that new joys and experiences await me, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for my family. I'll just make sure to take lots of pictures so I don't forget what today has been.
My Name is Not Megan
2 weeks ago