28 August 2005

It's official. I'm exactly 12 days away from my official due date. While this whole due date thing is obviously not an exact science, it does mean that I'm really freaking close to giving birth to this baby. It could happen any day between now and 3 1/2 weeks from now.

I've known since Nicholas was two minutes old that I wanted more children. I didn't know how or when until the whole Liam thing happened, but I knew I was headed in that direction. Throughout our dating days and engagement period, Liam and discussed when we would have more kids and it wasn't too long after we officially tied the knot that we decided to make the big leap. Two months later, we sat in the living room staring at a little stick, Liam with a look of glee on his face and me with "Holy shit, what have we done?" screaming in my brain.

Almost exactly 8 months later, I sit here with an abdomen that greatly resembles a watermelon in both size and stripes, feet that don't fit any normal shoes I own, and ankles that lack anything even remotely close to ankle bones. And I wait.

Every day Nicholas and I discuss whether or not the baby will be born that day. Every time I drive by the hospital I say to my belly "We're right near the hospital. Any thoughts on coming out?". And every time I talk to a friend I repeat the same "No, there's no baby yet" phrase. And I wait.

On the one hand, I can't wait for this baby to be born. I'd really like my body back, and I'd really like to be able to walk up the stairs without feeling like I've just sprinted around the block. I'm also concerned about what I'll do if my sandals no longer fit. I also have to admit that the idea of wearing something other than my black maternity capris and Liam's U of L shorts is akin to the midwinter dreamings of warm spring mornings.

On the other hand, I've still got one foot firmly planted in "I'm not yet ready for this baby" world. The biggie, obviously, is going through labor. As much as I've prepared myself and created a support system which includes Liam and my doula Kara, it looms in front of me like a huge stormcloud full of unknown possibilities. There are also many small things which cause me to mentally hesitate. This may be my last pregnancy and I may never again experience the joys of feeling my child's body move inside of my own. Nicholas will never again be my only child. Our lives will be dramatically changed as a new little soul comes into our home.

I think it's a good thing that labor starts spontaneously. If I were able to control when it started, I'd wait until I felt totally ready and I can't say that that time would ever actually arrive. I'm ready, and I'm not. In the end the choice of when this baby arrives won't be up to me, but I do know that the moment my child is placed in my arms will be the exact right moment.

15 comments:

domesticvixen said...

So, no baby yet, eh?

I was always afraid of labour until I actually went into labour. And then I was afraid of birthing, until I started to push. And then I was afraid of nursing, until that first suckle.

Now I am afraid of dating, boys, first periods, broken hearts, mommy-daughter fights, and worrying at all hours of the night. It never ends, but we do it because we love them. Even when they're just squirmywormies stretching our bodies into unfathomable girths.

Dylan said...

What's a doula?

Wait. Maybe I don't want to know.

Dylan said...

My buddy has a ten-year-old. She needs a bra.

Only two more horsemen left to arrive...

Morrigan said...

I just finished reading your whole blog. You have a great voice. I now know a lot about you.

Don't worry that isn't a bad thing. You are quite interesting in written form. Onto to this entry, if I ever have the chance to be pregnant, I will try to think of this and some of your other pregnancy blogs and realize I am not alone in my thoughts. At least, this is my hope. Hopefully, I will have someone as supportive as Liam seems to be.

I hope that your labor is stress-free since it can't be pain-free.

Liam J. said...

Welcome to my own personal spam-hell, Kim.

Good luck.

KimProbable said...

Wow. No spam before today at all then wham!

Dylan: a doula is a labor support person. It's nothing icky...I don't think. My doula is actually a girl I went to MacEwan with. She's going to be going to midwifery school next year and she's super.

domesticvixen said...

In case you don't know who morrigan is, call me and I'll sing like a canary.

Shaun said...

Kim, Now that i've found your blog! :) Hope all goes well in the next few days. I see you won't be able to make my BBQ/Fire since it will be the day after your due date. I GUESS that's a good enough reason not to come. Anyway good luck and can't wait to see the new one :)
I think Babies are the in thing to do now...

domesticvixen said...

Babies are the in thing??? Did I read that correctly?

Excuse me, but could I exchange my Prada bag for a baby? I'll take a pale one with green eyes. Does that model come with black hair? No, I don't want blonde, my neighbor has blonde. What about red? Can I get red?

I hear that newborns are trendier than six-monthers. Too bad the return policy stinks. Oh, wait, that was the baby.

domesticvixen said...

If you hadn't broken that mirror, you would have had the baby by now. He/she was probably completely terrified when you savagely smashed that poor mirror - you'll be lucky if the baby ever decides to come out...

In Rob We Trust said...

Just remember when picking out your child, follow Audie's advice - choose one that is fully developed. No flippers or webbing between the fingers or tail. It's just easier.

KimProbable said...

But what if I like the flipper baby? I hear they're really cute.

domesticvixen said...

New Olympic swim champion. Countries will be offering you tons of cash to switch passports...

Shaun said...

Yeah I said that comment cause that seems to be what everyone of my friends are doing these days.

Not yet for this guy, but someday soon. I aint getting any younger!

Liam J. said...

I'll tell you right now, Shaun, procreation has been the "in" thing for centuries, now. Even millenia!

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