The end is near!

There are 15 days of school left.

I'm excited like you wouldn't believe. Every morning when we struggle to get Nick out the door at 7:30 to catch the bus, Liam and I share a mini countdown moment. "18 more mornings of this." The end won't come fast enough.

Besides the morning crunch, there are a number of other reasons I'm excited about summer break. Nick needs a vacation and it's showing. My view of school has also been shifting over the past number of months since we decided to homeschool in the fall and so many things now stand out that I never focused on before. Why does Nick have to do page after page of math questions for homework when he's moved so far beyond the material they're covering? Is it really all that important that he completes every shred of homework when the sun is shining so beautifully?

On the positive side of things, I'm anticipating homeschooling with great excitement. I've been doing a lot more reading lately and I'm getting a better idea all the time of how I'd like to approach things. I've also been meeting more homeschooling families through park days and other get-togethers and each time I hear about other families' successes I feel reaffirmed in our decision.

This weekend I went to a garage sale that was being put on by a homeschooling family who needed to thin out their shelves. I picked up a nice big stack of books for $10 and the kids have been acting like it's Christmas. I got some math workbooks, some reading books, a book on maps, a book on weather, and some foam calendars among other things. Nicholas found a math book that's geared for the grade four level and he was excited about challenging himself. He completed some activities on using multiples (with help from his Mom who really had to think hard) and then went on to do some pages from the Bible Fun Pad. Yup, mazes for Moses and Pharaoh connect-the-dots.

We sent in our registration to our new school board last week and I'm waiting quite anxiously to hear back from them. The whole plan of homeschooling has been floating around in our home for quite some time and making a concrete step like registering with a school board adds a definite touch of reality to it.

I need to actually take all these ideas I have and put them on paper so I can create a plan to review with a facilitator. I need to overhaul the office so I can properly organize the growing piles of homeschooling materials. I need to take a deep breath and remind myself that things don't have to be perfect come September.

Sometimes it's the little things

This morning, though only 3 hours old, has had a number of frustrations. We got a late start to the morning, I almost got sideswiped by a dumb driver, and Lily wouldn't stay in the cart at the grocery store.

After unloading my groceries in the car, though, the whole tone of my morning changed. An elderly man who was headed in the opposite direction with a cart of his own offered to return my cart for me. I'm not sure if he was prompted to perform the kind deed because it was the gentlemanly thing to do or if he was taking pity on me since I was pushing the cart with one hand and toting Lily around with the other.

Whatever his reasons, it made me happy. Small moments of kindness from strangers are very touching, and I'm a total sucker for chivalrous acts. It's amazing how one small gesture can have such an effect.


On a totally different note, I got too close to the patchouli oil when I was sniffing it and I got some on my nose. Now the whole world smells like patchouli to me.

What the hell??

So, Nick came home from school today yet with another brochure about a summer camp. I think this is the fifth one so far. While I think some of them look kind of nifty (especially the soccer one) I haven't looked into them much so far.

The one today, however, was rather exceptional. There was the run-of-the-mill "drop off your kids each morning for a week and we'll do fun stuff" as well as a "week at the beach" camp. As I looked at the beach one, I saw that the campers are to be dropped off on Monday morning and picked up on Friday night. They're to head out to Alberta Beach and spend the nights in the dorm-type facilities. Next, I noticed the camp is open to children who are currently in grades 1 through 6.

Who in their right mind would send a six-year-old off with strangers for FOUR NIGHTS??! Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable sending Nick on any type of overnight camp without a parent there, but I'm willing to see that there are other kids his age who would be up for one night. But four nights? Heck no.

I'm totally blown away by how many camps and activities there are for kids during the summer months, most of which have early drop offs and late pickups so children can be kept occupied for up to 11 hours each day.

I look forward to spending the summer months with my kids doing fun summer things. There are beaches, playgrounds, the back yard, hiking trails, and campgrounds which are ours for the visiting.

When I look back on my childhood summer vacations, my memories are made up of eating popsicles in the backyard with the neighbor kids, building sandcastles at the beach with my brother, going camping with my family, and so much more. The days ran into each other and I delighted in not even knowing which day of the week it was.

That's the stuff summer is made up of, not getting out the door at 6:30 each day to get to camp or spending a week away from home at the age of 6. But hey, that's just my opinion.

Um...

There are moments of parenting which leave me speechless. One of them just passed when Nicholas ran across the house. He was chasing Lily with a toy ark yelling "Look out! Noah's coming for you!!!"


As I wrote this, I heard him saying "But that was our only chicken!". *snort*

Day one, check!

Today was my first day on phones for the La Leche League call line. Any moms in the area who called the central line were given a message with my phone number, and I took their calls.

I was quite nervous this morning about how things would go. When I returned the first mother's call, I couldn't help but notice the scared little voice in the back of my mind warning me that any minute this woman would find out she was my first helping call and she'd realize I didn't know anything.

It turns out, I actually DO know stuff and the more I talked with moms the more I realized this. Of course, I called a couple of other Leaders and conferred with them to make sure I was on track and had offered enough information, but I was impressed with the fact that all the things I've read were actually in an accessible part of my brain. I had answers about things like frequency of bowel movements in newborns, the length of time alcohol is present in breast milk, the signs of proper milk supply, and typical feeding schedules of newborns.

So, at the end of the day I talked with four mothers (one of them twice and one of them three times), I had three missed calls who were likely other mothers, and I made six calls to other Leaders.

My kids were absolutely batty.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the way children behave while their mothers are on the phone, here's a brief outline: Mom is distracted and her hands are busy. Try to get away with as much as you can before she gets off the phone.

During the time I spent on the phone, they got into a water fight with the garden hose, Lily first dug through the mud in a flower pot and then stuck her hands in her smoothie, Nick threw foam blocks at Lily as she wore a garbage can on her head while jumping in the bed, and Lily got hold of my pen and wrote on her face, her pants, my arm, my papers, and the kitchen table.

Whew.

I've now sent out e-mails to three of the moms I talked to today and I'm thanking my lucky stars I only signed up for two phone days this month. It's satisfying, but very intense.

On that note, my aching jaw has an appointment with some scotch and some ice.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!!

My day has been fabulous so far. Liam took Nick downstairs at 6:30 and they returned sometime after 8 with breakfast for me. We discovered that Lily follows in the footprints of all true Johnstones and has a great love for bacon. Mmm...bacon.

Happy Day!

Liam's coming home today. I'm just a tiny bit excited.

Ok, that's a lie. I'm hugely excited.

Between Beaver camp on the weekend and the business trip this week, I basically haven't spent any time with him since last Thursday evening. It's the longest we've been apart in the almost 4 1/2 years we've been together, and it really really sucks.

I've realized a few things during the week, aside from the typical "Oh, I really do depend on him" and "I value his company a lot".

Firstly, I've never really been on my own this much before. I've never lived on my own. I went from living with my parents to living with a loser boyfriend and back to living with my parents again until Liam and I were married. I've been the only adult in the house for 7 days, other than friends and family who have visited. It's very strange and I think I'm really not the type of person who would enjoy living on their own. Granted, if I were single I'd be out working or going to school during the days so I wouldn't be as alone as right now, but the evenings are a little too hollow for me.

I've also realized how much of my cooking I do for Liam. Not in that he eats all the food I cook, but I put effort into cooking meals as a way of taking care of him. This week I've been cooking plain veggies for the kids and popping frozen meatballs in the microwave. I've been picking at leftovers and whatever the kid's aren't interested in, and many of my "meals" have been eaten over the sink or at the computer. It's really kind of pathetic, isn't it?

I've had a return of my independence this week. I've been doing things like getting Nick to the bus in the morning, washing the dishes, taking out the trash, and other jobs that Liam always does. It's nice in a way to be reminded of the fact that I can be reasonably self-sufficient. I was much more stubborn about being independent early in my relationship with Liam and over the past few years I've come to depend on him to do more and more for me. While it's good to know that I can do these things for myself when I need to, it makes me happy to be cared for in these little ways and I get a lot of satisfaction in taking care of him in return.

Picture time

I have nothing intelligent to say at the moment and I need some giggles, so here are some pictures to share.

Home

On Friday night, Lily and I stayed overnight at my parents' house. I was helping out with our LLL Group's garage sale until 8pm then I had another shift starting at 9am, so staying over made more sense than driving back and forth.

Being out here (yes, I'm back out at their house again today!) has brought up so many memories. Sleeping in my old room and sharing my old bed with Lily was so similar to when Nick and I lived here that it made me a little sad for how much he's grown up and our lives have changed. As I took a walk around the subdivision and pushed Lily in Nick's old stroller, I was brought back not only to five years ago when he was her size, but also way back to 17 years ago when my family and our old dog took our first walks in this area.

So much has changed and new people have entered our family, but retracing my footsteps brings those memories back with an almost painful clarity. Remembering my dog running in the ditch, I can't help but also remember her final moments as she rested her head on my feet. Thinking about playing outside with my brother, I suddenly feel the distance between us as he and his family live out their daily lives in another province. Watching videos of his daughter last night only made the gap seem larger.

The biggest moment of nostalgia, though, came for me when Lily and I joined my parents at mass on Saturday night. This is the church I've attended since it was built, in 1988 or so. My First Communion, Reconciliation, and Confirmation all took place within those walls. Nicholas was baptized on the altar, and Liam and I stood not too far from that spot when we made our vows to each other before family, friends, and God. During mass, I looked around the congregation and my heart was so filled with love as I saw the familiar faces of so many friends and acquaintances. While I may live in houses, that church is truly home to me.

I spent much of that hour holding back tears as I processed so many memories while feeling the loneliness of being separated from Liam. I felt so out of place without him by my side. In the past, I stood with my parents. In the present, I stand at Liam's side. In that moment, though, he was out at camp and now he's gone to San Francisco for the next 6 days.

Today, I'm back at my parents' house again for a community event and I've spent the past two hours in silence as I've been waiting for Lily to wake. I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling. I'm not happy, but I'm not unhappy. I think I'm just feeling awash in so many emotions and memories.

And now I hear Lily's voice telling me she's awake. Back to the hustle and bustle of reality.

Prayer request

If you're reading this and you're the praying type, please say a prayer today for a friend's baby. As I type this, she's about two hours into surgery. She has a heart defect and is receiving a donor heart valve today. Another surgery will be done at a later date to correct the rest of the problems.

Her name is Allie and she's such a precious little baby. She's looking at a long recovery and two months in hospital after this surgery.

Gah!

Somehow, things seem to happen all at once.

Today, for instance, I'm packing up and dropping off stuff to donate to our LLL garage sale, taking the kids out to my parents' place, and leading my first LLL meeting which I'm still not done preparing.

Tomorrow, I need to pack Liam's and Nick's things for their Beaver camp, send them out the door, pack my overnight things, and work the LLL garage sale.

On Saturday, I do another shift at the garage sale and pack Liam's things for his business trip to San Francisco. Sometime around midnight the guys will get back from camp and Liam will try to squeeze in a few hours of sleep before heading to the airport around 5 am.

To top it all off, Lily has decided that sleeping is for chumps. The past few nights have been filled with a lot of wiggling, crying, and screaming. All things that make for frazzled moms and dads. Yee-haw.

Foody Foody

While some people consider being an at-home parent to be boring (or at least potentially boring), I don't find it boring in the least. Maybe it's because I don't have time to get bored, or maybe it's because no two days are ever alike and it's often difficult to predict how the day will play out.

Today, for instance, I had plans to buy groceries and then come home and clean the heck out of the house. My Mom was coming over for the afternoon, so it was the perfect opportunity to get work done while an extra set of hands occupied the munchkin.

I started off pretty much how I'd planned. I got the guys out the door, Lily and I had breakfast, then we got ready for our day. I then spent some time doing some meal-planning (as a side note, I've vowed never again to leave this task until grocery day when Lily inevitably ends up wanting all of my attention). I combined my meal-making shopping list with my previous running list of all the things I'd thought of during the week. As another side note, I realize that I'm totally anal about my grocery shopping lists. I use an entire sheet of paper and divide all my items up into what section of the store they're in. If you've ever been grocery shopping with a toddler you'll understand.

We were off to the store at 8:45. The next hour and a half was filled with stuffing things in my cart, crossing things off my list, and keeping Lily entertained so that she'd stay in the cart. To her credit, she did amazingly well for being in a normal cart. I always get one of those funky carts with the steering wheels for her, but I went with a regular one today in order to pack in as many groceries as possible. It was, after all, 15% off Tuesday and I had to take full advantage of the discount.

Once we made it back home, Lily and I snacked on the groceries as we started putting them away. She discovered that some of the rice crackers were very spicy and I re-discovered the beauty of corn nuts. After getting enough food in Lily to make me happy, I bundled her upstairs and convinced her to sleep.

I took a lunch/computer break for a bit then went back to the kitchen...again. I spent an hour putting food away and re-arranging the fridge and pantry to my liking. My Mom showed up shortly after bearing gifts of spelt flour, nutritional yeast, and coleslaw (the flour and yeast had been on my list but weren't at the store).

The next 3ish hours, minus a short break to pick up Nicholas from school and the soccer jerseys from the soccer office, I spent cooking supper and cleaning up. The outcome was fantastic, as Liam's eyes so clearly said at the supper table. It made it worth all the work. I made BBQ pork chops in an impromptu marinade, garlic mashed potatoes with kale, spaghetti squash with stuffing, and coleslaw. The kids bounced between our food and their alternate supper of rice, veggies, and turkey (some days it's just not worth the fight!) and Lily ended up devouring half of my pork chop.

So, out of the 12 hours I've been awake, purchasing, preparing, and storing food has taken up about 8 of those hours. Whew! I wonder how much I'd be making if being the family chef was a paid position...

One more hour until the kids have bedtime snack. It just never ends, does it?

To the old fart

So, with two hours to spare I'm managing to sneak this blog entry in. I realize Liam likely won't see it until tomorrow, but I'll still have posted it on the right day.

Without further ado...

Happy Birthday Liam!!!

That is all.

I'm a what??!

I'm a La Leche League Leader.

Yikes.

For those of you asking "A La Le-what-a?", I've become a Leader in a breastfeeding support group. La Leche League is a worldwide organization which offers mother-to-mother support. There are monthly Series meetings where information is offered and mothers are able to ask questions. Leaders are also available by phone and sometimes by e-mail. Some Leaders even offer home visits or do presentations such as for nursing students.

I was asked if I would like to become a Leader about a year and a half ago by a family friend who led the LLL meetings I'd attended when Nicholas was younger. Lily was brand new at the time, but Fiona (my friend) ensured me that there was no rush to complete the Leader Applicant work.

So, here I am, 15 months after starting all the work it took to get me here and I'm very excited. I believe very strongly in the need for the role LLL plays. There's so much information (and mis-information) available to parents these days both in print and online, but there is very little out there for personal support. LLL Leaders are all volunteers who have breastfed their children and who work hard to provide their help to parents.

My experiences as a LLL member have been wonderful. The first meeting I attended was when Nicholas was 4 weeks old. I didn't know anyone who had breastfed their children and I was muddling my way through. We'd had a rough start with breastfeeding and it took us a full 6 weeks to really figure things out. With the help of Fiona and other mothers who attended the monthly meetings, I was able to overcome various obstacles and continue nursing Nicholas well into toddlerhood. Having a group of women who were also breastfeeding was a key factor in the success of our breastfeeding relationship and I'm forever grateful for that.

So, now I'm coming at LLL from a very different angle and I'm sure I'm in for a whole new adventure. I'll be leading my first meeting in two weeks and I'll be taking phone calls from mothers starting either in May or June. Part of me feels confident in my ability to answer questions that will be asked of me, but another part of me just wants to hide behind my Breastfeeding Answer Book!

Teehee

Lily is become quite the amusing toddler. She told her second joke today and it had Liam and I in stitches. She decided when she woke up that she needed to be totally naked, so Liam came home from dropping Nick off at school to find a naked baby running around our bed. She loves getting knocked down on the bouncy mattress, so he pushed her and she landed on her butt. She started laughing hysterically and yelling "Bum! Hahaha! Buuum!!! Ha!" like it was the funniest joke in the world.

Her first joke came out the other day. When asked what a duck says, her response was "Quack, qua...Moo!!" with a sneaky little grin on her face. The harder we laughed, the funnier she thought she was.

She's quite the quirky kid these days. She loves to get naked and just hang out around the house, or on the deck. She also loves to go into the lazy Susan and sit on the toaster which is just the right height to act as a stool for her. She recently combined both the nudity and the sitting on the toaster and I spent some time wondering what I'd say to Liam if she peed in the toaster.

Whew!

There are two types of weekends. After the first kind, you feel rested, refreshed, and ready to tackle a new week. After the second, you can't wait for the week to start so you can get a break.

We had the second kind of weekend this week. We accomplished a heck of a lot and we spent a whole pile of time outside, two things which make me very happy, but holy crud I'm tired out!

Yesterday we took in the library booksale. In years past it's been a major event and we've brought home almost more books than Liam could carry, and he's pretty determined when it comes to hauling books home. This year the whole event was a very short and sweet trip. We were in and out within an hour or so and only spent $16. For that $16, though, we brought home a pretty good pile of books. Liam picked up a variety of novels and I got a novel, a few books on homeschooling, and a big stack of kids books that I'll use for curriculum. I got a few books on simple chemistry and physics experiments as well as a collection on different types of homes around the world. Oh, and Liam found the coolest book ever...dinosaur origami! (Nick is excited because "I've never made anything out of origami before!")

Next on our list was getting our income taxes done. Liam's T4 was finally re-sent to us last week so we brought in our little stack of papers to find out if we'd be buying new tires for the car this month. After a couple of hiccups (one which still needs to be sorted out since we may get back another $200) we left with almost $1400 in our happy little hands. Score! Not only will we be buying new tires, but I'll be able to pay for Liam's birthday bike now instead of after the garage sale. With how tight money has been lately, we're both quite happy for the extra deposit into our bank account.

We finished off the day by chowing down on some BBQ'd pork chops on the patio. Yum.

Today, we basically plowed through a whole bunch of yardwork. Liam put together our compost bin and we've already got a pile of stuff sitting in it.

I worked on prettying up the base of one of our trees. I pulled out all of the wood chips then we smoothed out the uneven ground, put down some landscaping fabric, and put all the chips back again. It sounds so flipping easy, but I think it was about 3 hours of work by the time we were done. Our progress was slowed considerably by the worm relocation project. Every time we found a worm in the dirt, Nick and Lily would transport it to the compost bin.

We also planted some of our flower, grass, and veggie seeds. I'm very excited about the nifty decorative grass and I can't wait to see what it looks like in my big pot. By the time we'd planted all the flowers, we were pretty much out of time and pots, so we've only started some of the beets, lettuce, and carrots so far out of our pile of vegetable seeds. I'm both excited and intimidated by the challenge of our first vegetable garden.

This weekend was such a stereotypical spring weekend. We were busy and got a lot done, but it was a lot of fun at the same time. I love being outside with the kids whether it's trekking through the ravine or digging for worms in the yard. There's just something about kids and dirt that go so well together.

Being Known

Yesterday evening, Liam and I were exhausted from a lack of sleep and a busy day so we did what any sane parents who knew their kids will be up early would do: we stayed up talking until 1 am. Today I'm crusty and feeling sick with the germs the kids so nicely shared with me but I wouldn't undo staying up late with Liam for anything. It was one of those soul-baring discussions where we shared our feelings and discussed past ups and downs from our relationship.

Moments such as the one we shared last night remind me just how incredible it is to be married to a man as dedicated and loving as Liam. Sharing my daily life with him brings so much significance to even the small and mundane.

This morning as I reflect on the evening, I'm struck by how important it is to me that I experience being fully and accurately seen by Liam. While parts of marriage such as sharing moments or being taken care of are deeply meaningful, I think that being truly known and then cherished is significant in a completely different way.

I'm so aware of how friends and others see me. I pay attention to my appearance, my words, and what I share of myself. With Liam, I share all of me. He held me while I puked my guts out, he danced me through hours of contractions, and he's watched me have mini-meltdowns. He's seen me at my very best and my very worst and not only is he still around but our relationship is deeper and stronger every day.

Having someone see the full and unedited me and react by loving me more is affirming like nothing else could be. The only other people who have known me this fully are my parents and brother, but they didn't choose me and they can't untie their ties to me.

The roller coaster of early love is a thrilling experience that I enjoyed and look back on with fondness. The depth of longer-term love, though, is what fuels me and brings true beauty to my life.

Happy (?) Easter

My Easter Bunny needs a double espresso, quick!

Lily is sick. She woke up when Liam and I went to bed last night and didn't settle down until shortly after 4 am. Nick was up at 6 wanting to go hunting for eggs. Crap.

Can I postpone Easter? In two hours I'm going to be sitting in Church and I'm not sure if I'll actually be awake or not.

Happy Easter!!

Friday confession

I have a confession to make. I'm in love with another man.

It's Dean Martin.

I don't know why, but I think he's got the most dreamy voice. I realize that I'm a few years behind and all, but something about that man makes me swoon.

And for those of you who are wondering, yes Liam knows. He often teases me about my crush on Dean. This morning he even made a point to skip ahead on his CD to a Dean song for me. Nothing says "I love you" like feeding your wife's love for another man.

A Funny

Here's a joke I'd like to share. I've been too sick/in pain/tired to post anything interesting, so at least copying and pasting makes it look like I put in some effort. Oh, and as a disclaimer Liam has never once asked "What do you do all day?". He's been here on weekends and vacation days. He KNOWS!


WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY?

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still
in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry , he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed
in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home
from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Now 25% MORE evil!!

I've finally managed to pull some of Lil's hair into pigtails. Is it just me or do they make her look slightly evil in an uber-cute way?

A Kept Woman Once More

Tonight is the eve of my last day in my short stint of employment. For those who didn't know, I started babysitting a friend's 1-year-old in the middle of February. Due to changes with the other care provider (I only had her Mondays and Tuesdays) our friends have switched her into full-time daycare starting April 1.

On the one hand, I'm sort of sad. Hailey is a sweet little cuddly bear and it's fun when she and my kids play. It's also been very nice having a paycheck since money has been increasingly tight for us.

On the other hand I'm relieved. It's hard taking care of a kid younger than my youngest, especially since she doesn't walk yet and I spend a lot of time carrying her. Although the extra time it takes to care for her during the day isn't enormous, it's one more thing added to my plate, and Lily's been running me off my feet as it is lately. I've been short-tempered with my kids on the days I babysit and it makes me feel incredibly guilty. I don't like being that kind of mom.

I'd also been struggling with the choice whether I would continue to care for Hailey in the fall. For those who don't yet know, we've made the decision to homeschool Nicholas starting in September. While it's something about which I'm hugely excited, I'm also willing to admit that I'm intimidated by the prospect of keeping up on my regular work in the home, jumping through the various toddler hoops with Lily, and homeschooling Nick on top of it all. I think that babysitting even part-time would have been enough to make me crash and burn for certain.

In all I'm looking forward to being unemployed. We've adjusted already this month to tightening the purse strings just a little bit more so I'm not too worried about the money. I'm looking forward to decreasing my stress level even if it does feel like I'm admitting defeat. I'm not very good at noticing when I'm in over my head. I guess that's why I married a guy who can always bring me back to center.

And so, I return once more into the land of the income-less.

The sound...of silence

I've been feeling the need for space lately. Maybe it's the fresh air of spring, or maybe it's how smothered I feel sometimes by Lily's abundance of energy.

Whatever the case, I'm feeling the way I'm feeling.

I got Liam to move the computer out of the kitchen and into the office. Our kitchen feels so big now. When the kids play it echoes. I moved the kitchen table and there's all this space. There's also this juicy silence without the constant hum of the computer.

I've been listening to the radio less and less. I'm listening to my cd's a bit, but more and more I'm just turning everything off. When I'm alone the utter silence is refreshing. When the kids are around I more fully pay attention to what they're saying.

I've started cleaning out the storage room with plans to have a garage sale. Goodbye unused baby stuff. (Does this mean we're done having kids? I don't know...) See you later shoes that I never wear but wish I did.

I bought a book tonight about healthy homes. It has sections about the air, light, and color of rooms. It touches on feng shui and environmentalism. I've been drooling over the pictures of beautiful homes. Some have been built into hillsides, others have been made out of renovated warehouses or barns. I love it.

I listened to a radio program recently where the guest discussed the idea of slow homes. It's based on the idea of the slow food movement. The idea is that we should value our homes for what they are and not the money they represent or the expectation of re-sale. We should appreciate that our homes are the places where we're raising our children and creating memories. I've been doing a lot of thinking about what this means to me and how this translates into how our home will be set up. What would our home look like if it truly reflected our needs and desires without conforming to society's expectations and influence?

Photo Time

I haven't posted pictures in ages and since I just dumped a bunch of photos from the camera onto the computer today I thought this would be a good time.



My brother, his wife, and their baby were out for a visit last month. Here we all are at church. (And no I don't have a tree growing out of my head. It's some sort of Lenten decoration thingy.)

Trina and my kids. Can you believe she's only 7 months? She's heavier than Lily already! I could squeeze those cheeks all day.

A random image of what happens when we leave the kids alone with my parents so we can go out for a date.

Lily showing off her fancy outfit that Auntie Meghan gave her for Christmas.

My family of hoodies. Nick was sick in case you can't tell.

My kids along with Hailey, our recent "addition". I take care of her on Mondays and Tuesdays. She's 13 months and oh-so-adorable. She puts up with a lot from Lily!

This is us today after picking up Nick from the bus. Hailey on the front and Lily on the back.

Oops

There should be a health warning on vegetables.

Last month I lopped off the tip of my thumb chopping red peppers. Today I sliced off a piece of my index finger dicing some carrots. Le sigh.

Can I somehow blame this on Krista? I was after all using the mandolin she gave us as a wedding gift.

It's very annoying, by the way, to be dealing with mopping up blood when you're following one of those obnoxious recipes that wants various ingredients added after a very specific amount of minutes. I can't clean up my finger and chop at the same time damnit. If supper tastes odd tonight, Liam, I apologize.

And here I thought that homemade meals made from nice fresh veggies was supposed to be GOOD for your health.

Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun

My God, I forgot how much I missed the sun.

According to the nifty Weather Eye feature in my toolbar, it warmed up to a balmy +10 today. I'm sure it was closer to 15 on my deck, though, judging by the fact that Lily stripped down to the buff and played outside for a good 45 minutes without getting chilly. The only thing that got her dressed was that she wanted to go play in the snow. I couldn't help but laugh at her as I watched her bare little bum jiggling in the sunshine as she ran around.

I had big plans for my day today. I was going to go for a walk in the ravine and run some errands of some sort. The kind of errands didn't matter so much as me just getting out of the house did. Instead, I ended up being drawn outside by the golden sunshine which poured over my deck and I never did end up leaving the house. I snacked and read while Lily explored the deck then the yard. It's been about five months since we've spent a significant amount of time in our back yard and it was like a whole new world to her.

As I basked in the warmth of the sun, I realized just how much I'd missed its ability to leave me feeling deeply satisfied. Feeling the fresh air on my bare arms I felt more alive than I'd felt in months. When I came back in the house I was struck by just how dead the air inside is. There are no breezes, no tastes, no sounds of birds or squirrels. There's just air that sits there. And does nothing.

On days like today I wonder what it would be like to winter in a warmer climate, one where I could be outside year-round. I love the moderate summers around here but I could certainly do without the bone-chilling weeks that seem to stretch out forever.

Lessons my children have taught me

Someone else's cookie always tastes better than your own. (aka Filched food tastes best.)

The best place to be when you're hurt, scared, or upset is in the arms of someone you love.

Farts are really funny.

Touching and cuddling are requirements in life, not perks.

Exploration cannot be hurried.

The most interesting things in life occur close to the ground.

Sleeping in and taking naps don't have to be mutually exclusive.

Time spent doing nothing is important. It's also the best time to do really neat stuff.

Being naked feels good.

Being loud for the sake of being loud is a perfectly good reason.

Getting dirty isn't so bad.

If you say enough, you'll eventually communicate your point.

Blessings

This morning, a woman I know told me how her 6-month-old daughter was diagnosed earlier this week as having a serious congenital heart defect which will require open-heart surgery in the very near future. I realized just how blessed I am to have two healthy children.

I received news that a new friend will be moving away. She's very sad to be leaving the support and friendships she's developed over the past few years and wonders what it will be like to be without these. I see that it's such a blessing to live in an area where I'm close to my family, extended family, and many wonderful friends.

This afternoon, a boy in Nicholas' school was lying in the snow and crying after being bullied by some older boys. After spending a great part of the day being frustrated over the way he was treated, I've come so see what a blessing it was to have been able to comfort this boy and help him get back on his way home.

I received a phone call this afternoon that Nicholas' school bus was involved in an accident and that none of the children were injured. I hugged Nicholas close and realized just how happy I was that I'd picked him up from school today.

This evening, I was chided for still breastfeeding Lily. I was annoyed by this until I realized that it's the first negative comment I've received in the 17 months I've been breastfeeding her. It's been a huge blessing to have found so much support for my decision to breastfeed a toddler.

There are so many moments during the day when I have the choice of how to react to the world around me. I can become offended over every bump, or I can gloss over the parts I don't enjoy. I can spend my energy complaining about the injustices in the world or I can focus on each small joy. Although I do get caught up in negativity sometimes I know that life is too short, blessings are all around, and I like being happy.

Childhood

I came across the following quote this morning and found it to be very thought-provoking.

"When we adults think of children, there is a simple truth which we ignore: childhood is not preparation for life, childhood is life. A child isn't getting ready to live - a child is living. The child is constantly confronted with the nagging question, "What are you going to be?" Courageous would be the youngster who, looking the adult squarely in the face, would say, "I'm not going to be anything; I already am." We adults would be shocked by such an insolent remark for we have forgotten, if indeed we ever knew, that a child is an active participating and contributing member of society from the time he is born. Childhood isn't a time when he is molded into a human who will then live life; he is a human who is living life. No child will miss the zest and joy of living unless these are denied him by adults who have convinced themselves that childhood is a period of preparation.
How much heartache we would save ourselves if we would recognize the child as a partner with adults in the process of living, rather than always viewing him as an apprentice. How much we would teach each other...adults with the experience and children with the freshness. How full both our lives could be. A little child may not lead us, but at least we ought to discuss the trip with him for, after all, life is his and her journey, too." - Professor T. Ripaldi


I really enjoy how this quote encourages us to totally shift our perspective on children and childhood. In our society, we play Mozart to our embryos, enroll our preschool children in enrichment classes, and spend Grade 1 preparing for post-secondary opportunities.

While I scoff at the idea of doing flashcards with infants who can't even hold their heads up yet, I recognize that I've been guilty of pushing my children into growth rather than enjoying the process of unfolding and experiencing. Now that I've had my second child and I've seen how quickly the early years spin by, I find myself relishing the moment more often than I did. I'm constantly amazed at the beauty and joy which children perceive and create.

How differently would we live life if we really respected the value of childhood, if we saw its value for the experience it provides rather than the future it leads up to?

A tea party of a different sort

Lily's baby bathtub is sitting in the middle of my kitchen and the water in it is a murky yellow. No, she didn't have and "incident" in the tub. The water is filled with chamomille tea and oatmeal. There's a teapot and a couple of little cups as well. Yes, the kids really did drink her bath water. Lily's skin took a serious turn for the worse today and the tea/oatmeal bath was an effort to soothe her itchy, oozing back.

For those not in the know, Lily has been suffering from eczema for about a month and a half. It's been all over her entire body except for her head, hands, and feet. We've eliminated wheat, dairy, sugar, red meat, citrus, and tomatos from her diet. Since her consultation with our ND, she's been taking Sulfur (a homeopathic remedy), Astragalus (a herb), acidophilus, fish oil, and flax oil. I've also switched laundry detergent three times (each of them more and more mild).

Earlier this afternoon as I picked Lily up, I realized that what I thought were stains on her undershirt were actually wet spots from the open sores on her back. Ugh. It hurts me to see her in this kind of shape and I feel like crying. I'm the Mom so I'm supposed to fix things, aren't I?

Now I'm questioning all sorts of foods she eating and that I'm eating and possibly exposing her to in my milk. We've cut so many things out already that I just don't know what to do next. I really, really hate this. Right now she's got a layer of Polysporin on her lower back and gauze and tape over top. She looks like a burn victim or something.

Oh how the times have changed!

Yesterday morning, I was headed out to run some errands and I met our mail-lady in the driveway. She handed me the usual stack of envelopes as well as a large manilla envelope. My curiosity piqued, I started the car and immediately looked at the interesting package. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that it was from the law firm which handled the purchase of our new home. I figured it was yet another request to re-sign papers or some other unforseen hoop we'd need to jump through.

Fortunately, it was none of the above. I found instead a pile of papers relating to the final details of the purchase as well as a cheque. It turns out that the money which the law firm had held in trust for us was more than their fees had ended up adding up to. So, there attached to the cover letter was a cheque written out to Liam and I in the sum of $340 (Ok, it was actually something like $339.60 but $340 has a much nicer ring to it). Sweet. Who knew that you could actually GET money from lawyers?

The portion of my brain inhabited by the perma-child deep within me immediately burst out with "Wicked! We can go on a shopping spree and blow all of it since it wasn't money we were expecting anyhow!". Then (un)fortunately the adult me wised up to the situation and brought up the mature arguments such as "Weren't you just saying how nice it is having a bit of extra money sitting in the bank account at the end of the pay period?" and "Aren't you all into this non-materialistic stuff now?".

As things turned out, Liam and I did agree to spend some of the money. He will buy the Sandy Foster cd he's been pining after as of late. I will buy a YES nursing bra, a Diva Cup (guys, don't click if you really don't want to know), and some cloth shopping bags.

I also went on a shopping trip to Planet Organic today and was able to pick up some nice stuff. I splurged and bought a 1L bottle of organic maple syrup. Since it's pretty much the only sweetener I use in my baking and oatmeal, those little bottles just don't seem to last. I also got some organic extra virgin olive oil in a funky square bottle and some organic sesame oil. I was so sad when I ran out of sesame oil a couple of weeks ago since the tofu in my miso soup doesn't seem to have the same flavour or texture with olive oil. I also picked up a variety of items from the bulk section including a new kind of rice, quick-cook oats (so I can actually cook Nick's oatmeal before he gets on the bus for school), carob almonds (like chocolate almonds only more coacoa-y), and some nifty little things called energy squares (which taste incredibly like Eatmore's).

As I did a little happy dance over my bags of groceries at home, I realized just how much I've changed in the past few years. There was a time when groceries were taken for granted and I had no idea as to the cost of food. These days, I'm the one paying at the checkout so I realize just how little our dollars can be stretched. I'm also finding great satisfaction in cooking and experimenting with new dishes. Instead of opening the fridge or pantry and seeing a bunch of food to be eaten, I now see the little dollar signs attached to each item as well as the possibilities for the vareity of dishes I could create with each.

Voluntary Simplicity

Yesterday, I attended a workshop on voluntary simplicity which was being offered at our church by a few of the parishioners. There was a retreat a few months back, but being the mom of two little kids (one of whom still nurses several times each night) doesn't lend itself well to that type of activity. I was thrilled when the workshop was announced, both because it was something I could manage and also because it was free. I'm big into free things.

My idea going into this workshop was that I would learn ways of being fulfilled with less material goods and possibly find some ways of reducing excess spending. We're pretty good about keeping costs to a minimum, but living on one income means there's never a lot of extra money hanging about in our bank account.

I ended up learning much more than I would have thought. I learned how wrapped up we as a society are in material things and how much the media influences us to believe that spending money will put us in a better place. I was also given the chance to ponder how having, buying, and focusing on stuff draws my focus away from important things such as God and my family. I also found myself really thinking about the impact that my living has on our planet and how simple choices which I make can have very large results.

Since beginning my elimination diet at the start of this month, I've found myself thinking differently about the types and quality of foods I'm putting into my body and the bodies of my family. It seems like a very natural progression to go from healthier eating to healthier living.

I've also been focusing during the past year or so on streamlining my life and focusing on thoughts, people, and activities which enhance my life. It's so easy to get bogged down in scattered activities and negative patterns of thinking, and there's so much I want to do with my life. By the time I've worked through all my responsibilities as a wife and mother my time is very limited and I want to get the most out of my spare time and energy.

In all, I suppose I'm feeling drawn toward making more conscious choices about life which make me feel good about myself and satisfied with my actions.

Ah crap.

So red bell peppers and thumbs are completely different things. My knife and I learned this lesson together tonight.

In the last step of my mad-dash supper creation, I mis-judged the distance from the knife to my thumb and chopped myself instead of the pesky red pepper. I gave Liam the job of inspecting my thumb because I was too scared of what I'd see. His professional prognosis was "It's pretty bad" and he gave me a tissue to sop up the blood.

Ten minutes later, I pulled the tissue off only to have blood start oozing out at an alarming rate. On went a wad of toilet paper. As an aside, toilet paper is a BAD choice for dressing a wound. Fifteen minutes later when I removed the toilet paper I found that it was stuck and I accidentally opened the cut up a bit more. And I bled more. Of course.

At this point, Liam picked up the Lil and announced that he was taking me in to the ER for stitches. I managed to hold him off by phoning the Health Link to ask what the criterea is for getting stitches. By the time I got off the phone, the bleeding had stopped, the throbbing had mostly subsided, and I was fairly confident that I could forgo the two hours of waiting to see a doctor at the Medicentre. I contemplated following the Health Link nurse's advice to go in for a tetanus shot, but between Liam, my Dad, and I we figured that my clean and shiny knife posed little threat.

My lesson for the night is: chop more slowly, watch more closely. In the end, at least I didn't mess myself up as badly as Liam did. I'd be miffed if I lost the ability to make fun of his knife handling skills.

And on that note, off I go to watch TV. Liam has just put "Snakes on a Plane" on. I'm not sure if I'm excited or scared...

Heh

These made me snicker.

Happy Happy Dance

As of today, I'm down 9 lbs in 14 days. Who'd have thunk that cutting out all the crappy food in my diet and not snacking for emotional reasons would result in weight loss? (I should amend that statement. I do still occasionally eat when I'm not really hungry, but it loses its charm pretty quickly when you're chewing on carrot sticks and pieces of apple.) I'm sure a certain amount of the lost weight was fluid, but it feels great nonetheless. This is the lightest I've been since Lily was born. I think I'll throw myself a party when I'm down another 30.

The transition with changing Lily's diet has gone pretty smoothly, mostly because she's too young to really know the difference. We've had the occasional bumps in the road such as when she saw the yogurt in the fridge this morning and when she saw Nick eating a ham and cheese sandwich the other day. There's really nothing quite as sad as a toddler moaning "Cheeeeese. Cheeeese." especially when it comes out sounding more like "Deeee, deee!". The really nasty patches of eczema on her elbows and knees have faded quite a bit and now look more like dry skin than the red, raw patches they were a week ago. I worried a bit at first about what she would eat but she actually seems to be eating more now that I've cut dairy, wheat, and sugar from her diet. She's been devouring big bowls of oatmeal and kamut, entire boiled eggs and kiwis, and soups and casseroles of all sorts. She's also been nursing more lately and actually drinking lots of milk rather than wiggling around constantly like she used to. I get the feeling that a growth spurt is in the making.

I bought groceries today and it was a nice experience outside of the episode with Lily running wild in the bulk section (here's a tidbit for other parents: the bulk section is NOT the place to finally cave and let your toddler out of the shopping cart). I loaded up the cart with produce of all kinds, chicken, and various foods from the "natural" sections scattered throughout Save On Foods. I feel better about the foods that I'm buying and cooking since I know they're nourishing my family instead of filling us up and adding to my previously-expanding waistline.

Foodi-ful goodnesses

I feel the need to update since the comments on my last entry have been so lively. I'm starting to get jealous.

I'm now on day 11 of my elimination diet and I'm doing really well. In my first week I lost five pounds between the change in diet and having the flu. I'm sure I'm down a couple more by now judging by how my clothes are fitting and how well I'm feeling. Eating so much more healthily is actually really nice in a subtle sort of way.

I've also dragged my poor innocent baby down into the mud with me. About a month or so ago, she began to develop some patches of eczema in the creases of her elbows and knees. The patches are now red and angry-looking and new spots have shown up all over her arms, legs, and torso. At the suggestion of my ND, she's now completely off of dairy, wheat, sugar, and red meat (the alcohol and caffeine are kind of a given). I'm also shoving flax oil in her once a day and smearing various lotions all over her whenever I can pin her down long enough. It's starting to look a bit better after three days of this.

Watch for updates. I'm sure I'll have found a reason to overhaul Nick and Liam's diets before long. Mwahaha!!!

Property laws according to kids

If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my hand, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
If I think it's mine, it's mine.
If I saw it first, it's mine.
If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
If it's broken, it's yours!


(Anybody else going crazy because of siblings picking on each other??)

Baby ode

Baby,
Oh Baby,
When your Mom
Drags her sick butt off the couch
To tidy,
Dumping
The bin of toques
Is not
An appropriate sign of your appreciation.

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year everyone!!!

Last night, I did my New Year's Eve reflecting from my bed. It was 9 pm and I was cozied up in bed between both kids and getting ready to fall asleep. You see, we ditched the party at James and Janine's in order to take the kids to the early fireworks in Sherwood Park. Then we ditched the fireworks in order to keep the sickly children from completely dying. Then I decided that going to bed as soon as I got Lily to sleep would be my best bet at shaking the early tinglings of their germ getting to me.

So, there I was going to bed at 9 on New Year's Eve while my friends were out at various parties and my husband was downstairs writing. I started thinking about how past New Years Eve's (which I will now type as NYE because I'm lazy) have set the tone for the coming year. I decided that instead of feeling sorry for myself for missing out on NYE I would instead appreciate stepping into the new year in a manner which was respectful and nurturing to my body. It fits well since today is the first day of my elimination diet and I've decided that it's time I really start taking better care of myself in general. You'd think that as a holistic health practitioner I'd be doing a better job than this, but you'd be wrong.

Looking back at past NYE and the way they have fit in with the following year...

2005: We took the kids out to the fireworks then once they were in bed Liam and I played Monopoly and had a really good time. The past year has been one filled with so many wonderful family moments and our marriage has grown in many ways.

2004: We went to a house party and announced our pregnancy to our friends. I was exhausted (thank you first trimester hormones!) and we went home shortly after the countdown. This one's pretty self-explanatory, but the year was consumed by my pregnancy and Lily's birth. I spent a lot of time tired and sleeping.

2003: We went to a party at The Party House. I remember being annoyed with Liam about something and not really enjoying my evening at all. In the coming year, I learned a lot of lessons about relationships, and the first few months of marriage taught me more than I could have imagined.

2002: The infamous party at The Party House where I met (or re-met if you want to get technical) Liam. I stayed up until 4 am talking to him and spent the next day exhausted and trying to think of a reason to call him. The following year was filled with falling in love and getting way way WAY too little sleep.

For the love of Pete!

Nick got sick. Lily got sick. Lily hasn't slept for longer than 10 minutes at a time in two nights and two days. We spent two hours at the Medicentre waiting to see a doctor and now we know that at least she doesn't have an ear infection.

In some strange way, this page makes all the hours of lost sleep a little bit less painful.

'Twas the week before Christmas

I figured I'd better pop on and post a bit of an update. I've been lacking in the inspiration department as of late and next week looks like it might be a busy one, so here goes nothing!

Nicholas came home from school on Thursday complaining that he ate too much at his class Christmas party. He suffered through supper then spent almost an hour rolling around on the floor moaning. Just before bed he made a sudden dash to the bathroom where he proceeded to throw up his entire supper and probably some of the junk from the party. Yum. I managed to get splashed on the leg. Eeew. He then perked up, ate some toast, and went to bed. I figured all was well but right after midnight he woke up and threw up all over Lily's bedspread. Believe me, at 1 am you really don't want to be dealing with a blanket covered in vomit and a baby who has decided that she should wake up for the excitement. I finally got Lil back to sleep around 2. I kept Nick home from school the next day, which I really didn't think was a big deal since it was only a half day anyhow.

And then there's Liam. For anyone who's not familiar with Liam's back, it's a pretty tempermental kind of thing. He put it out a bit a couple of months ago then he fell last week and tweaked it again. On Thursday (right around the time of Nick's rolling around on the floor with a bellyache) Liam tried to get up from playing with Lily and put his back out. Since then, he's been spending quality time with a bag of snow and limping around in a Quasimodo-esque manner. He's been to the chiropractor twice in two days and goes back again early next week.

As for Lily, she's truly turning into a toddler. Her range of words and signs is increasing rapidly and, of course, that means that she now knows the word "no". It usually comes out as "no no no no" which is quite cute unless I'm trying to get her to eat something or get dressed. On the topic of eating, she's decided that all food going into her mouth has to come from her own hand or on a spoon in her hand. It's been a bit of a struggle but I'm amazed at how quickly she's mastering it. She's been so excited to be feeding herself that she's probably eating twice the amount of solids she was a few weeks ago and she's still nursing as much as ever. I see a sudden growth spurt in her near future.

And then there's me. I'm muddling along as usual. I've been in a bit of a funk as of late but I'm feeling better the past few days. I'm looking forward to Liam being home for the next 10 days and also seeing friends who are in from out of town. My biggest wish for this Christmas break is to get some extra sleep as I've been really missing out on that lately.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Party like a party

Our busy busy weekend is over, and we're all alive if a little worse for wear.

On Thursday, I visited a friend, had dinner with my parents, and went to my LLL meeting. By the end of the day, I had spent 6 hours supervising Lily in non-child-proofed environments. Anyone who's been a parent to a 15-month-old can figure out how that went.

Friday was the Intuit children's Christmas party. After a very exhasperating drive all the way to Castledowns, we found ourselves in a room packed with Mr. and Mrs. Claus, a plethora of greasy finger foods, two children's performers from Australia, and a swarm of little people. Nick was thrilled with the performers and the craft tables while Lily took full advantage of all the space to run...and run...and run.

Saturday was our Christmas party at home. I've never seen so many people in our home. I think we counted something like 20 adults plus 7 children and 2 tiny babies. Despite the very full state of our home and the ongoing battles between Nicholas and Preston, the evening was a whole lot of fun. We were able to share in a great evening with a bunch of friends and we even found out about a new baby on the way.

And then on Sunday we went to...yet another Christmas party! This one was out at the community hall where my parents live. It's been decided that since I lived there for 12 years I'm an honourary community member. Liam and I were in charge of the craft and toy area as well as the singing of the Christmas carols. We only lost one toy to a minor casualty (which Liam may be able to repair) and the singing was greatly aided by our Piano Lady (I'm afraid I never actually found out her name). Liam's voice gave out on the second last song, which was quite entertaining but didn't keep his little groupies from hovering. Yes, Liam had teenage girls for groupies. They looked quite disappointed when I told them we lived in Millwoods.

The unfortunate incident of the evening happened shortly before we left for home. Lily was standing up on a riser type thing and took a head-first tumble off of it onto the hard tile floor. She had a giant blue indent on her head instantly and spent a while screaming both because it hurt and because her idiot mother kept trying to put cold compresses on it. I must admit that I was close to tears at one point. It looked so nasty and it's the first real injury she's ever had. I did comfort myself with the thought that by this age Nicholas had taken at least a dozen spills of this size. Today, she's got a big blue splotch on her forehead but I'm very happy to say that it's not nearly as nasty as I thought it would be.

So now we've got two weeks left until Christmas and no more Christmas parties planned. Whew! I've got a few more items to shop for and a whole bunch of things to wrap. Oh, and one gift to mail out to my brother and his family once I return to Winners so they can remove the security tag which was left on Trina's outfit. I'm looking forward to a semi-quiet week before we jump into Christmas concerts and Christmas break!

Le sigh

It's been 18 days and 5 hours since I've had a coffee. Give or take a few minutes. Somehow I'm still alive, though the week-long headache at the beginning tried to prove me otherwise.

I'd been wondering as of late if drinking coffee was at least in part leading to my digestive woes and it turns out that I was right. Damnit. I've been feeling gobs better and my energy level is pretty much back where it should be. It's actually kind of funny that the drink I was guzzling to perk me up was really wearing me out in the big picture.

So now, I'm mostly back to normal. In an effort to get all the way back there I went to see a Naturopathic Doctor yesterday ( Jackie Yurko for anyone interested). As per her thoughts, come January I'm going to go three weeks without dairy, wheat, refined sugar or red meat. After that I'll re-introduce the foods one at a time to see if they're causing me problems.

Part of me is excited to have some concrete plan on how to improve my health, but another part of me is freaking out. I love foods, especially my chocolate and breads. Food is a huge comfort for me (hence the inability to lose the 35 lbs I'm so angry at) and I know I'm going to have to change my way of coping. Ugh.

Someone hold my hand?

New news

I finally got around to updating my links. You can now go directly to Jo's new blog without doing the roudabout through the old one. Yay! I also added in my 101 goals blog and a link to Karen's blog.

Also, in case anyone doubted it, I now have further proof that Lily is Liam's babe. Ready for it? She...talks in her sleep and has an unhealthy fascination with Tostitos. Just wait til she can sit at the computer!

A tragedy 17 years in the making

In 1989, my cousin Duncan MacPherson went missing. As a 9-year-old, I was almost oblivious to the event and my only clear recollection of it is when my aunt and uncle spent some time at our house during what I'm assuming was their journey to Austria to look for their missing son.

As I grew up, the story of my missing cousin was just a part of life. My aunt and uncle spent numerous summers searching for him and my father once visited a psychic for some sort of lead. I only had a few wispy memories of Duncan and as time went on him being missing was just the way things were in my mind.

In 2003, Duncan's body was discovered on a glacier on a ski hill. I thought that my family would finally have some closure now that he was found and his fate detrmined. Now, though, there is concern that he did not die as the result of an accident but rather as the result of being run over by machinery grooming the hill. It's a gruesome and horrible thing to imagine.

The Fifth Estate recently aired this story (which can be seen here) . There is a link in the sidebar on the right to see the full broadcast.

Tonight as I watched this entire story summed up in a 40-minute broadcast I saw things in a new light. Now that I am a mother, I can look at the pain in my aunt's face and get an inkling of what my life would be like should my son go missing. I had never before seen pictures of Duncan's body or the CAT scan taken of his remains, and seeing these things finally made this tragedy real to me.

It's heartbreaking to think of the countless hours of fear, worry, and desperation my aunt and uncle suffered through. You'll have to excuse me if I hold my kids extra close tonight.

Ho-hum

Liam has been gone for four hours so far out of a four day business trip. Yes, I'm a total sap and I miss him already. As the Lil and I have been puttering around the house this morning I've had some thoughts.

I must have married the right guy if him being gone leaves me feeling lonely so soon. Yes, I'm used to him being gone all day, but knowing I won't see him tonight leaves me lonely.

I would not at all do well in a marriage where my husband travelled frequently. My favourite time of day is 5:30 because it's when Liam gets home.

My home is just a house with half the family gone (Nick is at my parents' house right now). Our home is made up of the people who live in it, no matter how much I love my super-cool kitchen.

Like only a baby can

Warning: the following entry contains nudity (no, it's not Liam)





What, you ask, could be cuter than a baby?

A naked baby.

What, then, could be cuter than a naked baby?

A naked baby with a tea cozy on her head.



Ok. Could there possibly be anything in the world cuter than a naked baby with a tea cozy on her head?

Yes. The naked baby with the tea cozy on her head could carry around a container of toys like it's a purse.

Babywearing online

I've been doing a little bit of online research today in an attempt to find a comfortable back carry for my Penguin Wrap and Little Lil. First, I found a cartoon I feel the need to share. Anyone who has worn a baby or who has watched someone try for the first time will understand.



Secondly, I want to share an exerpt from a German page which I believe was translated using some sort of software.

"The baby can see after in front , by which many impressions can it however to an incessant flood of irritations come."

Here's a picture from their webpage. I swear just looking at it makes you want to climb a mountain.

Dude, who broke my blog?

Umm...my blog broke. The sidebar thingy is not where it's supposed to be. You'd think that with a Computer Scientist in the house things like this wouldn't happen. I guess you'd also think computers wouldn't die left right and center.

I'd like to say hi to Sonia. "Hi Sonia. Leave a comment you comment snob." :P

Retrosexual

The following is a letter from the Dr. Laura website. (I'm a big fan of hers for anyone who doesn't know) It was submitted by a listener and I think it rocks. In this day and age when so many people equate "women are equal to men" as "women are exactly the same as men", it's nice to get a refresher on what makes a man a man. I'm proud to say that I'm married to a real man and he fits many of the points below.

Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!"

I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement.

"The Code :
A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree-chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up".

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Ford truck.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance

.A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !

L.

Question period

Here are my questions for my fellow bloggers tonight:

What does it mean when the new laptop dies before you've even started paying for it?

Am I the only one who finds it really really funny that Lily's sign for Dad is to smack herself over the head repeatedly with both hands?

How can such a small and cute baby create such vile poo?

When does Nick's brain re-adjust itself so he can hear the frequency of female voices again (my voice in particular of course)?

Fun-due night!!

In order to fulfill one of my goals and in order to have some suppertime fun, we had fondue night tonight. I did up a cheese fondue (incredibly disappointing as it was way too grainy) along with a honey raisin dipping sauce. This was served with potatoes, cauliflower, carrots, and tiny biscuits. Dessert was a raspberry chocolate sauce with fruits, marshamallows, and more biscuits for dipping.
The family chows down:
Nick gives full approval for anything involving marshmallows. My poor poor kitchen. I don't think it'll ever fully recover.
The end result for Liam. Too much fondue for this dude.

Picture Pictures

My bay-bee is bee-yew-tee-full!!
Trina doing her best impersonation of a doll.

These are pictures that were supposed to be on the last entry, by the way, but Blogger didn't approve. Screw you Blogger! Cute baby girls deserve to be uploaded!

I'm walkin', yes indeed I'm talkin'

Ahem.

This is important so I need to clear my throat, er, keyboard.

Lillian (aka Lily, Lilu, Lu-Lu, and Jiggly Butt) has officially taken her first steps. And they were to reach a phone. Holy crap, we're in trouble.

She was playing with my cousin's cell phone last night at Thanksgiving dinner and all of a sudden she took her first two steps. I was thrilled but figured it was a one-shot deal and that would be the end of it for a few more weeks. In typical Lily fashion, though, she proved me wrong and went on to take a few more steps here and there during the next half hour, many of them accompanied by an entire room full of people cheering. We're not setting her expectations high at all are we?!

I'm proud of the Lil for not only reaching this milestone while Liam was around, but also for doing so in the same room where Nick took his first steps five years ago. It's all kind of creepy. Trevor has informed us that he'll place some shackles on Trina's feet until they make it back out next summer.

The scene of the walking incident. Note the giant crowd of various family members.

The proud parents of the little angel at her baptism.

Two beauties once again.

The long-awaited blog entry

Yes, it's been ages. Due to problems loading pictures on Blogger as well as lots of stuff going on around here I've neglected my blog terribly. Tsk.

First, as you can see, the West Coast MacPhersons made their way out today. Trina is unbelievably adorable. Her cheeks are gigantic, her eyes are beautiful, and her gurgling noises make my heart turn to goo. And she still smells like a milky angel. I'm smitten. Lily, by the way, has never looked so huge (and white!). We had a great time and they're still in town for another 6 days!

In other news...not too much has been happening around here other than unpacking, cleaning, and people being sick. Multiple colds and stomach bugs in the month of September set us back three school days, two work days, two birthday parties, and one girl's night out. I guess it's just a typical September around here but I'm sure tired of it.

What else. Hhmm. Lily's not quite walking but is still managing to get into everything in sight. The more mobile she gets the more attitude she has. Lots of fun. Her favourite things to do these days include "talking" on anything that remotely resembles a telephone, using Jack as a stool/squeaky toy, riding in the wagon, and eating dirt out of the vegetable garden.

On the Nick front, he's into the swing of things with school. His teacher is a really dear woman who has been teaching grade 1 for 26 years. He's made a few new friends and has only been sent to the office (for an ice pack after a "play" fight) once. Beavers and Tae Kwon Do have also resumed so he's a busy little man.

As for Liam and I, we're old and boring so there's nothing new to report.