Retrosexual

The following is a letter from the Dr. Laura website. (I'm a big fan of hers for anyone who doesn't know) It was submitted by a listener and I think it rocks. In this day and age when so many people equate "women are equal to men" as "women are exactly the same as men", it's nice to get a refresher on what makes a man a man. I'm proud to say that I'm married to a real man and he fits many of the points below.

Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!"

I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement.

"The Code :
A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree-chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up".

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Ford truck.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance

.A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !

L.

Question period

Here are my questions for my fellow bloggers tonight:

What does it mean when the new laptop dies before you've even started paying for it?

Am I the only one who finds it really really funny that Lily's sign for Dad is to smack herself over the head repeatedly with both hands?

How can such a small and cute baby create such vile poo?

When does Nick's brain re-adjust itself so he can hear the frequency of female voices again (my voice in particular of course)?

Fun-due night!!

In order to fulfill one of my goals and in order to have some suppertime fun, we had fondue night tonight. I did up a cheese fondue (incredibly disappointing as it was way too grainy) along with a honey raisin dipping sauce. This was served with potatoes, cauliflower, carrots, and tiny biscuits. Dessert was a raspberry chocolate sauce with fruits, marshamallows, and more biscuits for dipping.
The family chows down:
Nick gives full approval for anything involving marshmallows. My poor poor kitchen. I don't think it'll ever fully recover.
The end result for Liam. Too much fondue for this dude.

Picture Pictures

My bay-bee is bee-yew-tee-full!!
Trina doing her best impersonation of a doll.

These are pictures that were supposed to be on the last entry, by the way, but Blogger didn't approve. Screw you Blogger! Cute baby girls deserve to be uploaded!

I'm walkin', yes indeed I'm talkin'

Ahem.

This is important so I need to clear my throat, er, keyboard.

Lillian (aka Lily, Lilu, Lu-Lu, and Jiggly Butt) has officially taken her first steps. And they were to reach a phone. Holy crap, we're in trouble.

She was playing with my cousin's cell phone last night at Thanksgiving dinner and all of a sudden she took her first two steps. I was thrilled but figured it was a one-shot deal and that would be the end of it for a few more weeks. In typical Lily fashion, though, she proved me wrong and went on to take a few more steps here and there during the next half hour, many of them accompanied by an entire room full of people cheering. We're not setting her expectations high at all are we?!

I'm proud of the Lil for not only reaching this milestone while Liam was around, but also for doing so in the same room where Nick took his first steps five years ago. It's all kind of creepy. Trevor has informed us that he'll place some shackles on Trina's feet until they make it back out next summer.

The scene of the walking incident. Note the giant crowd of various family members.

The proud parents of the little angel at her baptism.

Two beauties once again.

The long-awaited blog entry

Yes, it's been ages. Due to problems loading pictures on Blogger as well as lots of stuff going on around here I've neglected my blog terribly. Tsk.

First, as you can see, the West Coast MacPhersons made their way out today. Trina is unbelievably adorable. Her cheeks are gigantic, her eyes are beautiful, and her gurgling noises make my heart turn to goo. And she still smells like a milky angel. I'm smitten. Lily, by the way, has never looked so huge (and white!). We had a great time and they're still in town for another 6 days!

In other news...not too much has been happening around here other than unpacking, cleaning, and people being sick. Multiple colds and stomach bugs in the month of September set us back three school days, two work days, two birthday parties, and one girl's night out. I guess it's just a typical September around here but I'm sure tired of it.

What else. Hhmm. Lily's not quite walking but is still managing to get into everything in sight. The more mobile she gets the more attitude she has. Lots of fun. Her favourite things to do these days include "talking" on anything that remotely resembles a telephone, using Jack as a stool/squeaky toy, riding in the wagon, and eating dirt out of the vegetable garden.

On the Nick front, he's into the swing of things with school. His teacher is a really dear woman who has been teaching grade 1 for 26 years. He's made a few new friends and has only been sent to the office (for an ice pack after a "play" fight) once. Beavers and Tae Kwon Do have also resumed so he's a busy little man.

As for Liam and I, we're old and boring so there's nothing new to report.

Happy birthday Lu-Lu!

Summertime pictures

My kids are beautiful.

Give me the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer

Today has been one of those days of which summer is made. It's as if the sun warmed up time and the hours became longer, sweeter, and brighter. The entire day was filled with many satisfying moments and our family enjoying time together was at the center of it all.

At the end of a summer which has been filled with countless hours scurrying around open houses, packing, and (literally) worrying myself sick, I truly appreciated the beauty that filled my day. As the four Edmontonian Johnstones sat on our new deck drinking smoothies a la Mom and basking in the morning sunshine, I was filled with a sense of satisfaction knowing that all the work had been worth where it has brought our family.

When I was younger, I used to think that the bumps and difficulties got in the way of the good times. As time goes on, however, I've learned to expect less than perfection and to enjoy the truly blissful moments which come along if you wait patiently. When days such as today come along I think to myself “This, this is what sustains me.”

When the house is a mess and I'm scattered and stressed I can look back at today and know that there will be other days like it. Life isn't about sunshine and lollipops, it's about maintaining an inner focus throughout the rough patches and basking in the joy of the good times.

Help!!!

Ok, so I was a bad Mommy and I failed to pre-order school supplies from the school in June like I was advised to do. I figured I'd possibly save a few bucks and do the shopping myself.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to find a Kanga Pouch. Can anyone offer me any advice on where to look? A Kanga Pouch, by the way, is like a nylon sack large enough to fit a binder with a flap that velcro's shut and a clear plastic sleeve on the front. I've seen them before, but I have no clue on where to get one.

Help??! Anyone?

Home sweet new home!

We're here! We're actually living in our new home. Yeehaw!!

After 12 nights of living at my parents' house, one long day of packing and unpacking a U-Haul, and a last-minute wrangling of friends for help, we've moved us and all our stuff into the house. Today was spent unpacking and making paths through the piles of boxes. The kitchen is slowly coming together (after I unpacked and arranged for about 5 hours!) and the rest of the house is insane. Fortunately, Liam got the laptop hooked up and I'm now sitting in the middle of our living room floor with a small plastic bin as my desk. It's so sad to be this desperate to get online.

Big highlights so far:

• I discovered a small herb garden and some rasperry bushes in the back yard.
• I've been able to get my gardening "fix" by weeding the various flower beds. Lily weeds with me, only her version includes sitting her butt in the middle of the flowers and eating rocks. Just because you're named like a flower...
• Nick and Lily's room doesn't have a closet. It really threw me for a loop. Just ask Liam.
• I'm falling more and more in love with my kitchen. It's so freaking cool.
• I met a neighbour at a garage sale. She seemed really nice and I detected...an east coast accent!
• Janine the super Telus geek hooked up my phone jacks in the kitchen. Geek friends are the best.

I'll update as things progress. Hopefully I'll get my life straigtened out enough that I can re-create a social life!!

Life in a trailer

For anyone who doesn't know yet, my family has moved out of our home and into my parents' trailer. Woot! There's nothing quite like living out of boxes waiting for idiots to pay you for your home three or more days after they were supposed to...but that's a long story in itself and I'm not in the mood.

If you're trying to phone us, don't. You'll get a message that our phone number doesn't exist. If you need to get in touch with us, phone my cell or my parents' house (which I won't post on here) or e-mail us.

I'm very much looking forward to moving into our new home partly because I'm excited about the house, but largely because I'm growing frustrated with spending my days in a non-baby-proofed home. I can't put Lily on the floor for more than a minute before she's pulling things down or headed for the stairs or slamming her fingers in the kitchen drawers. I knew that there were going to be frustrations with living here for 10 days, but I hadn't counted on this being one of them.

Other than the small bumps, we're all alive and well. Liam managed to bike all the way in to work and back yesterday without dying on the road. Nick is in his glory, spending days on end at Grandma and Grandpa's house. He loves the space out here and I can certainly see why. He goes off on his own for long periods of time and quite often I'm really not sure where he is.

A week until we take posession of our new house and one day after that til we move in!

New baby pictures!

Does it not look like Mina poked her in the eye just before the picture was taken??!
A baby on a beach. Doesn't look like they're trying to get her tanned yet.
A classic baby in the tub shot. Extra cute points for the curled up arms!
Family photo!
Mina looking beautiful as always. I think motherhood suits her.
"I love you Mummy! Can I have some milk now?"

Folk Fest 2006

Yet another year of Folk Fest has wrapped up. Well, technically I guess it's still going for another 30 minutes or so, but our family is home and both kids are asleep so it's over for us. Much fun was had by all, and I learned a few things along the way I felt like sharing.

Everything I needed to know I learned at Folk Fest

If you follow Liam into the woods, bad things can happen. Babies can get grumpy, families can get lost, and small boys can fall flat on their faces in the mud.

Sunscreen is good for babies. It would probably also be good for moms if they remembered to put it on.

If a mom who happens not to be wearing sunscreen wears an unusually low-cut shirt, the top half of her boobs can sunburn.

Everything tastes better when eaten outdoors, and it gets extra points when it's eaten in front of a stage.

Seeing an old heart-throb six years, two kids, and a husband later can make a girl feel old, especially when she remembers how naive she was when she used to swoon over him.

Port-a-potties which have been sitting in the sun for four days stink. A lot.

Children, given nothing but a hill covered in grass and a bunch of other children, can entertain themselves for hours and hours and hours...

Hawksley Workman is a pretty cool drummer.

A workshop which includes Hawksley Workman and Feist on the same stage is very cool.

Although it's so very different each and every year, Folk Fest is a sure way to fill four days with enough sunshine and music for at least six months.

My 101 in 1001

I've come across this idea on a few blogs and I thought it would be interesting to give it a go myself. Here are my 101 goals to be achieved in the next 1001 days, which would bring me to May 6 2009. I'll likely set up a separate blog to track progress, but for tonight I'm going to leave it with just posting my list. Voila.


101 in 1001

1.Buy wooden kitchen table and chairs for my new kitchen.
2.Buy furniture for basement.
3.Complete Leader Applicant work and officially become a LLL Leader.
4.Incorporate FlyLady principals into organizing my home (at least zones, routines, and weekly plan).
5.Buy a nursing bra that fits (preferably while I'm still breastfeeding).
6.Have Liam and Nick's lunches prepared before I go to bed.
7.Extend meal-planning to include lunches and snacks.
8.Regularly wash my face and brush my teeth before bed instead of collapsing into bed at the end of the night.
9.Write up Lily's birth story.
10.Plant a herb garden and use it while cooking.
11.Plant a vegetable garden with Nick.
12.Keep my flowers alive for an entire summer.
13.Get some indoor plants (and keep them alive too of course).
14.Make sushi.
15.Do a family fondue night.
16.Have a girl's night dinner party at my house.
17.Have a housewarming party.
18.Complete a scrapbook.
19.Regularly back up my digital photos onto disc.
20.Get professional family photos done.
21.Get professional photos of the kids done.
22.Frame and hang up all of my pictures.
23.Go through proofs of wedding pictures and get prints made.
24.Decide if kiddo #3 is going to become a reality or send Liam to get snipped.
25.Meet my niece Trina.
26.Enroll Lily in swimming lessons.
27.Run regularly for an entire summer.
28.Exercise in some form 3 times each week.
29.Teach Nicholas how to tie his shoes.
30.Start keeping a journal in which I write at least once each week.
31.Go for 5 massages.
32.Give 10 Reiki sessions.
33.Receive 5 Reiki or reflexology sessions.
34.Write Liam a love letter.
35.Go on a family vacation.
36.Weigh 170 lbs.
37.Have all the boxes unpacked in our new home before Christmas.
38.Have a “home” for everything we own.
39.Start a compost.
40.Enroll Lily in a preschool class.
41.Breastfeed Lily until she's at least two years old.
42.Volunteer at Nick's school.
43.Read 2 classic novels.
44.Read 5 non-fiction books from my bookcase.
45.Have a Christmas party at our home.
46.Write up a will.
47.Make a new friend.
48.Keep a written inventory of the deep freeze and pantry.
49.Paint the kitchen.
50.Create a Body Clutter control journal and fill it in fully and honestly for two months.
51.Meet with Financial Dude and set up RESP's for Lily.
52.Meet with Financial Dude and set up monthly deposits into Nick and Lily's RESP's.
53.Take part in a Bible study, either in person or online.
54.Make prayer a structured part of my daily life.
55.Visit Jo's home.
56.Take a class of some sort by myself for myself.
57.Begin a written journal for Lily and continue to update the one I've started for Nick.
58.Find a meat dish Nick will like that isn't hot dogs, meatballs or chicken nuggets.
59.Make a soup from scratch.
60.Fill and deliver a Christmas hamper.
61.Go out for a fancy dinner with Liam.
62.Buy myself something at Lush.
63.Take dancing lessons with Liam.
64.Complete my 100 things about me list.
65.Make plans to build bathroom in basement, including jacuzzi tub.
66.Watch Ghostbusters with Nick.
67.Regularly put laundry away after folding it instead of leaving it all over the couch/recliner.
68.Make bread...without using my breadmaker.
69.Write an article and attempt to have it published, either in print or online.
70.Buy something that makes me happy and is not practical in the least.
71.Fill a blank book with poetry.
72.Complete a cross-stitch project.
73.Lean how to make a new (alcoholic) drink, then make and drink it.
74.Return all the books I've borrowed from people.
75.Take a picture a day for two months.
76.Walk barefoot on a beach holding hands with Liam.
77.Memorize a reading from the Bible that is significant to me.
78.Make Playdough with my kids.
79.Write my brother an e-mail at least once a month.
80.Bake a cake from scratch that isn't for a special occasion.
81.Get a pedicure.
82.Play baseball.
83.Go to a batting cage.
84.Do all four yoga videos in my box set at least once each.
85.Paint a picture.
86.Buy something at Linens 'n' Things.
87.Take my kids to Whyte Ave on a Saturday afternoon.
88.Make puppets with my kids and put on a puppet play for Liam.
89.Plan a celebration for our 5th wedding anniversary (August 21 2009!)
90.Get my and Nick's health care cards switched from my maiden name.
91.Make a soufflé.
92.Frame and hang my diploma and certificates.
93.Write a short story.
94.Learn how to play poker.
95.Get another tattoo, or add to the one I have.
96.Grow a vine of some sort on the lattice in the back yard.
97.Take Nicholas to a live sporting event.
98.Teach Lily to count to ten.
99.Make something out of clay.
100.Buy some nice pyjamas.
101.Sleep in until noon.

Gharg.

To the cashier at Safeway,

Surely, if two school-aged children and one baby can keep from smooshing my bag of apricots during our grocery trip, you could have managed to do the same. I bought three apricots specifically for my baby, so when I found them crushed underneath a bag of apples I was more than just a little bit frustrated. Don't they teach you how to bag groceries properly in Cashier 101?

Signed,
The not-so-satisfied customer


Dear Lily,

Cheer the heck up.

Sure you're cute, but looks will only get you so many hours of whining time. Two days straight is more than enough.

Much love,

The Mom who's sick of all the complaining

P.S. Peeing all over me today when I was running your bath was a trick I'd rather not see you repeat again, thanks.



Dear milk,

I'm very afraid that you're bad for me. While it would be nice to find out that my recent ill health is thanks to you so I could quickly get better, I'm going to be sad if we have to part ways completely. Sure, I'm not the kind of girl to chug down tall glasses of your frothy goodness (unless I'm pregnant of course), but life won't be the same without my double-doubles or my crackers and cheese. The rice milk makes me feel like I'm cheating on you, but what's a girl to do?

Signed,
Not sure if I love you or if I hate you.


Oh, and I almost forgot...

Dear Liam,

Thank you for taking the kids to the playground this evening. Being in the house alone listening to really loud Guess Who is the equivilant of drinking daiquiris on a patio, without the inconvenience of drunken breastfeeding.

Giant kisses to you,

Your wife who is ALL ALONE in the house!!!!

Injury upon injury

Talking to my Mom on the phone today, I learned that my Dad had an accident while biking home from work yesterday. Something happened to his chain and before he could get his foot underneath him he took a tumble off the side of the road, which had a shoulder 12 inches high. He ended up re-injuring the shoulder on which he had surgery this winter.

At his doctor's appointment today, he was unable to get a definite answer as to the extent of the injury, but there's a possibility that the tear that the surgery repaired has been torn again. Ugh. He's to go back in a few weeks when the inflamation has gone down and he'll have an MRI done. Ugh ugh.

While I'm extremely grateful that nothing worse happened (like falling under the wheels of a vehicle) I'm still worried.

Childish moments

I've been having a lot of fun with my kids this summer, so I feel the need to share some of the more amusing moments.

Nick quotes:
"You shouldn't pick at your scabs because it's a waste of platelets."

Me - "Nick, what are you doing?"
Nick (from behind a chair) - "Hiding from Istanbul!"

"But how does the dad fertilize the egg?" (Just the conversation every Mom wants to have with her 5-year-old.)

"When I'm a farmer and I have a farm, people in Africa who don't have any money can come work for me. They can live there and have chickens instead of money."

And now for some Lily moments. Since she doesn't say much besides Mama and Da, there aren't any good quotes but there are still cute moments to share.

- Every single time she or anyone around her farts loud enough to hear, she yells "Aaah!" with a very satisfied look on her face.

- Yesterday, she thought that me sticking my toungue out at her was funny enough that she giggled furiously for ten minutes straight.

- Her favourite exercise is yoga. She pops up into Downward Dog about a million times a day and enjoys peering at the world from between her legs.

We did it!

Minchau...is ours!

The various obstacles and paperwork have all been sorted out, and we've signed all the dotted lines. Our condo is sold. The Minchau house is ours. The date is still up in the air a bit, but it's going to be somewhere between the 15th and the 24th of August. Really freaking soon!

It's been an intense three weeks of playing the real estate game and I'm so happy to be done with it. The ups and downs of falling in love with homes and losing out on (some of) them was more than enough for me. There were a couple of points where we came really close to buying a place in Sherwood Park but neither house ended up working out for us.

I'm really looking forward to moving now. Leddy-ites and a few others aside, I'm more than ready to be out of this complex. I can't wait to have double the amount of living space either, and for BBQ's on the new BBQ! We'll have to have a housewarming party before it gets too cold so we can take advantage of the patio off of the kitchen.

Aaaah, Minchau.

More baby pictures!!!

My brother...the new dad. I'm still trying to get my brain wrapped around that idea.

I just want to squish those cheeks!!
So cool and so pretty all at the same time.
This is the face of a kid ready to take on life.
The new family!
There are few things cuter than a baby yawning.
Yet again with that "Here I am world" kind of look. I can't wait to meet this kid.

Pretty Momma with the pretty babe.