Some people's children

I apologize in advance for my bad language. I'm pissed off and I feel the need to swear.

Some ass stole my diaper bag this afternoon when we were at the pool. Liam and Nicholas went swimming and Lillian and I walked over after a while to watch them. I entered the pool, put my diaper bag down on a bench, and watched my boys. After a bit, I decided to go sit in a chair about 20 feet away from the bench. I couldn't see my bag from where I was sitting because it was around a corner, but I didn't think much of it.

About 20 minutes later, I went back to get my bag and it was gone. Someone picked up Lillian's snowsuit, took her diaper bag, and left. Fuckers.

When I realized that it was missing I spoke to a lifeguard and then a receptionist at the front desk. I was advised to check every locker, cubby, and change room in the locker rooms since thieves apparently go there with bags first.

After checking every single locker in the women's locker room and talking to several people, I decided to check the family change room before getting Liam to go through the men's locker room. Sure enough, there was my bag on a seat in the family change room. Fuckers.

Thankfully, I'd left my wallet at home so the only thing possibly worth stealing was my cell phone. It was still there and no calls had been made.

As I headed back onto the pool deck to tell Liam that all was well, I realized just how pissed off I was that someone's dirty thieving hands had been in my bag going through Lillian's things. Stupid asses. All they got for all their trouble of snatching my bag was glimpse of some diapers and a baby undershirt. I should have left a dirty diaper or two in there.

Bum cooties

Last night, Liam and I were out doing some Christmas shopping. After making a pit stop to change Lillian's dirty diaper, I decided that I'd may as well make my own stop as well. When I went into the bathroom stall, I noticed that they had one of those sanitary toilet seat paper cover dispensers. It made me wonder a few things.

Are there ever any paper covers in those things? I've yet to see one that isn't empty.

Do people really thing that a little piece of paper is going to save them from the bum cooties on the toilet seat?

If they're really so concerned, why don't they just hover over the seat?

What types of bum cooties can you actually contract from sitting on a public toilet?

Maybe it's just me, but the whole thing seems more than a little bit silly.

Does it make me a bad Mom?

Lately, Nicholas has been beginning a lot of his statements with "Guess what!".

Every single time I have to fight not to answer "Chicken butt". Sometimes it's too hard and it bursts out anyway.

Liam does it too, so it makes it ok, right?!

More baby pictures

Here are some cutsie pictures to share. Yay for cute!!


You've gotta love Tummy Time. Well, unles you're Lillian and you've been on your tummy for longer than two minutes.

This is sideways and I don't know how to rotate it without re-doing it, so turn your head or monitor sideways. She just loves her swing, and so do I!!

If there's one thing that Lillian does love (besides my boobs, of course) it's bath time.

It's a dog's life

Today was a big day for Jack.

First, he wore his doggy jacket for the first time. It's red polar fleece lined with a blue cotton-type material. It was custom-made by our neighbor for his doggy pleasure. Unfortunately, it's a bit too big around the neck and when he was walking down the stairs his leg came through the neck hole and he tumbled down the last three steps. He ended up looking dusty and confused.

The next highlight of his day came only a half hour later when it started to snow. He chased snowflakes around the yard. Yep. He jumped and ran and snapped his teeth.

What a life Jack-o.

The good, the bad, and the poopy

Somewhere there is a god of Mommies who does nothing but make sure that the intricate balance of insanity and work being accomplished stays finely tuned.

Take my week, for example. On Monday, Lillian slept in until 9 am. By the time she was up, I'd folded a load of laundry and washed another, had breakfast, washed dishes, and taken a shower. By supper time, I'd cleared off the entertainment unit, set up my nativity scene, gone for a walk, and had coffee with Krista. It was an awesome day. I accomplished so much and I was feeling full of energy even when I went to bed.

The next day, though, started out badly right from the get-go. From 2:30-3:15 am I was up because of an evil cramp in my leg. There's nothing like sitting on the couch with a bag of frozen corn on your leg in the middle of the night to set the tone for the day. When Nicholas woke me up in the morning I had to practically peel myself out of bed. Lillian only stayed asleep until 7:45 before she was screaming but thankfully stopped once I put her in the swing.

After breakfast I decided to take a look at her diaper only to discover that the poop that was supposed to be in it was instead filling the leg of her sleeper. Off we went upstairs to was her off in the sink and rinse out the ultra-nasty sleeper. I also gave her a bath for good measure. Liam phoned not long after and when I complained about my cruddy morning he comforted me by telling me the rest of my day would be better. Just as I hung up the phone Lillian spat up all over herself and the carpet. Uh-huh.

Not too long after Lillian had another dirty diaper. This one, in an effort to be new and exciting, went up her back. Yep, baby poop up to her shoulders and yet another outfit to rinse out in the sink.

Thankfully, Nicholas headed off to school not too long after that and I managed to have a nap. When I picked him up from school I told him how I wasn't nearly so grumpy now that I'd had some sleep. His response was "Finally".

Thanks kid.

Bill of Non-Rights

I found this on a forum and felt the need to share.

(Said to have been written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County, Georgia as well as Libertarian from Mississippi Lewis Napper. I have no idea.)

We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bedwetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: That a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of Non Rights.

ARTICLE I -- You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any form of wealth.
More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II -- You do not have the right to never be offended.
This country is based on freedom, and that means the freedom for everyone, not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III -- You do not have the right to be free from harm.
If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful. Do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.(Yeah, ya jackass.)

ARTICLE IV -- You do not have the right to free food and housing.
Americans are the most charitable people to be found(Not "among" the most charitable, but "the" most charitable. Yeah.), and will gladly help anyone in need but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generations of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V -- You do not have the right to free health care.
That would be nice but, from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in government run health care.

ARTICLE VI -- You do not have the right to physically harm other people.
If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair. (Yum.)

ARTICLE VII -- You do not have the right to the possessions of others.
If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII -- You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience.
We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight, if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX -- You don't have the right to a job.
All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X -- You do not have the right to happiness.
Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness -- which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

A cat named Mouse

Back in the late winter/early spring of 1991, a stray cat appeared in our yard one day. I begged my parents to let me keep her and eventually they gave in. I named her Spike after the dinosaur in The Land Before Time and I was as happy as an 11-year-old girl with a new cat could be.

Within a few short months, we noticed that we were going to have some new additions to the feline portion of our household. I was fascinated watching Spike's belly swell up to an unimaginable size and I laughed at how her belly swayed when she walked. One afternoon I noticed that she was acting strangely and not too long after six little kittens made their way into the world in our garage.

The kitten I picked out to keep was a fuzzy little grey one with white paws and a patch of white going from his chin down to his chest. One of the reasons my Mom liked him so much was because he was so quiet and calm. In later years, this came to mean that he turned into a total couch potato in the winter months. Watching his weight go up and down with the changing seasons was always entertaining.

Over the years, Mouse settled into his role in the MacPherson household. He laid claim to at least a dozen regular sleeping places throughout the house and made good use of them all. He especially enjoyed the warmth of any person whether adult, child or even baby.

Nicholas and Mouse had a special relationship right from day one. The first day I brought Nicholas home, Mouse went right up to him, sniffed him, and promptly decided that he wasn't a good food source. Within a couple of years, though, Nicholas not only knew how to feed "Kitty", but he also knew where the good stuff was; the catnip drawer.

This morning my Mom came over to give me a hand with some things around the house and mentioned that Mouse had gone outside last night and was still out when she went to bed. There was no sign of him when they checked for him at 2 am and again at 6 am. We were both hoping that he would show up some time today.

Unfortunately, my Mom called me when she got home this afternoon. My Dad found Mouse's body behind the garage this afternoon. They're not sure if he froze from staying out or if he died of something else. One way or another, he was happy and healthy when I saw him yesterday so at least he had a good life right until the end of his 14 years.

On the walk home this afternoon, I told Nicholas the sad news. I told him that Grandpa would bury Mouse in the woods beside the dog's grave. I hugged him and we both cried for a bit before walking some more. Every few minutes Nicholas would remember something else about Kitty and we would both stop and cry for a little bit again.

After a while, Nicholas began giggling through his tears and said he had something funny to say. When I asked him what it was, he said "It's funny that Kitty and the dog are buried beside each other. Now they'll chase each other around in the ground."

Run Kitty run.

Life beyond diapers

That haze that enveloped me in the last weeks of pregnancy and only became worse once Lillian came along and wrecked my sleeping schedule is slowly lifting. I've been feeling back to myself (well, mostly anyway) and I've been itching to do things which are more intellectually stimulating than changing diapers and doing the "Please stop crying" dance around the living room.

I've started writing a newsletter about alternative therapies and horses, which will hopefully be a stepping stone to me turning my focus back to my equine clients (for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about see http://www.passages.7h.com). I'm working out the formatting for a quarterly newsletter which will include info on the work I do with horses, spotlights on Flower Essences, and activities for riders to try out at home (or rather at the barn I suppose). I'm still trying to decide if I'm writing it more for gaining new clients or more for my own satisfaction. Does it matter?

The other "project" I'm undertaking is writing a story for the La Leche League magazine New Beginnings. I'd describe what I have in mind, but it seems that what I write takes on a life of its own and rarely ends up bearing any resemblance to what I'd intended at the start. If I ever complete it I'll be sure to post a copy here. And if it manages to get printed I'll brag about it big time.

Something else I'm looking forward to is doing the La Leche League leader training. For those not in the know, LLL is an international organization that offers information and support to breastfeeding mothers. They rock.

Anyhow, I was approached by a current leader I know and she invited me to become a leader. I'm not sure on the details of the training, but it involves some written materials as well as a period of mentoring with a leader. I'll find out more this week.

I have found LLL to be such a wonderful resource and I believe that what they do is very important. I'd love to be a part of it all, and I think it would be a wonderful way of bringing the focus of the human side of my practice around to women and babies as I'd been wanting to do.

On that note, I'm off. I can't sit here sniffing Lillian's head all day or Liam will get angry with me.

Bums are fun!

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:
:) means a smile and :( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by
:-)
:-(

Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"
Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass

Geek test

Go here: http://www.innergeek.us/ and take this geek test. It's a bit long but good.

I'm apparantly not very geeky (only 12.62327%). I cringed at how many I knew Liam would check off.

How geeky are you?

From the mouths of babes

This has been quite the week for kid-quotes. Here are a few:

"When I get older I can turn into a woman if I change my gallstones. I saw it on TV." - Nicholas

"You have a really really big bum." - The Littlest Leddy upon seeing my behind.

"Mom! There's a tornado...in Calgary!!" - Nicholas after seeing a news clip on the hurricane in Florida.

These are the books I know, I know. These are the books I know.

Somewhere in the frenzy of Lillian's first weeks of life and of Nicholas' first weeks of school, I have been finding the time to (slowly) read three books.

The first I'll mention is the one I'm greatly enjoying. It's entitled Woman: An Intimate Geography and is written by Natalie Angier. To be quite honest, the main reason I bought it was because when I picked it up to look at it I saw that there was an entire 19-page chapter devoted solely to breastmilk. I thought that was sort of nifty, especially seeing as I was just re-entering the world of lactation myself. I found the breastmilk chapter fascinating, and of course randomly read parts out loud to Liam wheter he really wanted to know these interesting facts or not.

I then went on to start reading the book from the beginning since that's the way they're generally meant to be enjoyed, and I have since been throuroughly impressed my Angier's work. I fully admit that I'm quite interested in the workings of the human body. In high school, biology 30 was a treat. In college, phisiology was fascinating and I didn't mind poring over my textbook for hours while caring for the then-3-month-old Nicholas. This book, however, goes well beyond simple explanations of human physiology and biology. Angier has an amusing sense of humor and an off-center way of viewing life. I've burst out loud laughing at phrases like "the great wall of Vagina" and references to overblown beliefs on penis envy. Angier's ability to examine multiple theories on the adaptations we have come to recognize as the normal functioning of the human body are refreshing and thought-provoking. I just wish I had more hours in the day to devote to reading.

I was originally going to write about the other two in this entry, but in hopes of actually posting this before the year is out I'll stop here for now.

Flyer Girl update

Today is Wednesday, otherwise known as Edmonton Examiner day. As mentioned in my previous Flyer Girl entry, we rarely receive our copy. After last week's "episode" I had given up all hope of ever receiving another Examiner in our mailbox. I had even formed a plan to ask for Krista's leftovers.

This afternoon Flyer Girl did not make an appearance. Instead, she apparantly sent in her sidekick Flyer Boy. Somehow, he managed to place our Examiner in our mailbox without losing life or limb.

Will wonders never cease?

(For those who are wondering, yes I do realize that my world is far too small if I'm devoting this much energy to the delivery of flyers and the occasional Edmonton Examiner.)

Another theft

I outright stole this from Krista's blog. If I give her credit does that make it ok?

My Alphabet

[A is for age of first kiss:]
Seventeen.
[B is for booze of choice:]
I discovered rye and Coke's just before getting pregnant. I think I still like them.
[C is for career:]
Mom/moo cow. Technically I'm still a Holistic Health Practitioner and Equine Sports Therapist as well.
[D is for your dad's name:]
Howard.
[E is for essential items to bring to a party:]
Me, of course.
[F is for favorite song at the moment:]
The tambourine one on Beck's Guero cd.
[G is for favorite game:]
I like playing Rummy since I can often beat Liam.
[H is for hometown:]
Sherwood Park.
[I is for instruments you play:]
Piano/keyboard.
[J is for jam or jelly you like:]
Raspberry.
[K is for kids?]
Two. Oh, and the big bald one.
[L is for last kiss?]
If we're talking "real" kiss then last night. If we're talking kid smooches than a few minutes ago.
[M is for mom's name:]
Mary Jane.
[N is for name of your crush:]
I don't know that I have one right now. The whole Vin Diesel thing has faded.
[O is for overnight hospital stays:]
Once when I had each kid, a few nights for gallstones during my first pregnancy, and four nights when Lillian was in for her seizures (though I wasn't a patient then so I don't know if it counts).
[P is for phobias:]
None unless my intense dislike for horror movies counts.
[Q is for quotes you like:]
I don't have any favorites and I'm much too lazy to go look for some right now.
[R is for relationship that lasted the longest]
That would be my current relationship. We've been together just about 3 years.
[S is for sexual preference:]
I like men. They're hot.
[T is for time you wake up:]
Whenever my hooligans wake me up. Anytime between 6 and 8:30 depending on the day.
[U is for underwear:]
Grey, blue, and green pinstripes for me tooday. Woohoo!
[V is for vegetable you love:]
Fresh peas.
[W is for worst habit:]
Being a know-it-all.
[X is for x-rays you've had:]
Skull, spinal, dental, and two pelvic.
[Y is for yummy food you make:]
I make the best banana bread I've ever eaten.
[Z is for zodiac sign:]
Aquarius.

Yay fun stuff!

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The joys of being a housewife

My life as a stay-at-home mom is busy. Not too terribly fast-paced or stressful, but it fills the hours from sunrise til sunset every day.

Today I faced the dilemma of possibly choosing a new grocery store. My possible switch may come not as a result of intensive price-comparing or even in pursuit of better customer service. No, I think I'll switch because the Sobey's bags fit into my garbage can better than Safeway's. Oh the drama that is my life.

I had a fun conversation this evening with the flyer girl. She delivers the Edmonton Examiner on Wednesdays (which I receive maybe once a month if I'm lucky) and flyers on Fridays. I happened to have my head stuck out the door tonight when she came by. She asked if I could tie Jack up "or something" because he can jump up high enough to put his front paws on the fence. Umm...excuse me? We moved our mailbox (rather, Liam did) to the outside of our fence so that we could receive our mail and junkmail without worrying about people encountering the obstacle that is Jack.

I explained to Flyer Girl that the mail man manages to leave us our mail each day without a problem. I realize that a 20 lb dog on the opposite side of a 4-foot fence presents quite the fearsome sight, but somehow he braves it. Her response was a blank stare tinged with frustration. I told her I would not be tying up my dog for flyers and closed my door. Bite me grumpy dog-fearer.

The excitement of this domestic life is almost too much for me.

Yay, quiz time!

Krista is a bad influence. That is all I have to say.

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

You Are a Strawberry Daiquiri

You're a fun, playful drinker who loves to party.You may get totally wasted, but you're always a happy drunk!

What Mixed Drink Are You?

You Are Japanese Food

Strange yet delicious.Contrary to popular belief, you're not always eaten raw.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Your Outrageous Name is:

Ima Hore

Outrageous Name Generator

More pictures

I'm turning into a total bore, I know. I don't have two awake brains cells with which to write anything entertaining, but I do have some oh-so-cute pictures.

A test of sorts

This started out as a test on getting my siggy for a forum to work, but now it's to show it off. Yay. Pretty.